Possible cure for gamma

 In today's good news, I believe that the very real and very harmful mind virus called gammatude can be cured! Granted, the cure involves some minor injuries and does not always work, but that still makes it more beneficial than Bill Gates' Coronnu vaccine. Are you ready? Here it comes:

Work in food service for at least six months.

That's the whole cure. Don't worry about health insurance deductibles, you get paid to take this cure. Most affordable healthcare ever!

Here's how it works: you work in food service. Preferably in a smaller enterprise, but a chain should do the trick too. All your delusion bubbles will burst very quickly. You're not special in rush hour. Either you can perform, or you cannot. If you do not own your mistakes and fix them, everyone hates your guts, and rightfully so. You will reach your very narrow limits. If you're honest about your many shortcomings, you will improve, as will your standing with the colleagues and the boss.

There is no posturing on the shift. Every ticket, every ingredient that ran out, every dish in the sink is another moment of truth. Ironically enough, the more you admit failure, the less painful it is. That's how all of life works, but it's a lot more obvious in food service. Unfortunately, this makes it even harder for the gamma to bear. In academia, the gamma can survive for decades, because everything is fake and nothing actually matters. Food service does not run like that. Margins are low, time is short, and you can be replaced at the drop of a pan. Literally.

Now why, I hear you ask, does it take six months? Six months is long enough to guarantee that our gamma patient experiences very busy, understaffed nights, where nobody gets a break and everything goes wrong. Our last gamma lasted about eight shifts, none of which were particularly awful. All three managers hate him, as does the entire workforce. He quit, because we 'bullied' him. Admittedly, I did yell at him once, right after he sprayed hot water in my face and almost broke the dishwasher. He had it coming. He may have failed the cure, but I guarantee that it will work for you, if you can not quit and not get fired for six months.

Product disclaimer: there will be minor injuries. Mostly cuts, scratches, burns, and combinations thereof. Nothing that will kill you, and you get Teflon palms by the end of it. 800F is not actually that hot. 120F is certainly comfortable. Plus, chicks dig the calluses.

Heck, even the side effects are a net benefit! Big Pharma got nothing on me! Try the gamma cure today! Find a food joint and sign up!

PS if you want to comment that this is technically a therapy, rather than a cure, then you're a gamma. Get the cure.